What is your parenting style?

I have a regular date with my daughter – we meet for lunch on Thursdays and it is one of the highlights of my week.  I loved being the mom of young children (under 12) but in all honesty, I did not like being the mom of teenagers.   I am finding that being the mother of adult children can be very rewarding.  At the lunch date with my daughter this week, we found ourselves discussing the parenting styles that are prevalent in different cultures.

In some cultures, the pervasive parenting style is child-oriented and in other cultures it is adult-oriented.  Living in South Africa and the United States has given me front row seats to both styles.  It’s been an education!   I’d like to offer my observations of the four cultural groups with which I have spent extensive time. These are merely my observations and I am very happy to have anybody disagree with me.

• Setswana culture  - as long as the child is a baby, parenting is very child-oriented.  The baby rules the roost.  Baby is indulged to the utmost and as a result becomes the cutest little scamp on the planet.  But, at some point – which I have yet to fathom – the tables turn and parenting becomes adult oriented.  The parent instructs … and the child is expected to obey.  This continues into adulthood.  Parents are The Boss – even of adult children.  No questions asked.
• Afrikaans culture (South African Dutch descendants) - parenting tends to be somewhat strict and adult-oriented, from babyhood.  Parents take a no-nonsense approach to child rearing.  Adult and child have a defined place in society; children are expected to be respectful and deferential to adults and adults in turn are expected to love, lead and take responsibility for their family … until death do them part.
• English South African (descendants from Britain) – parenting is less strict than both Setswana and Afrikaans cultures and, in some individual families, can lean toward being child-oriented.  As a whole, children seem to have more “say” in the family than the above two cultures.  However, if I have to choose, I would say that in English South African society, the scales still tend to tip toward being more adult oriented. When the child grows up to be an adult, the relationship with parents tends to become less formal than the above two cultures, but still remains somewhat deferential.
• American culture – parenting and society in general seems to lean more toward being child-oriented.  Adults are deferential to children and children have a lot of “say” in the family.   Society cossets children more than the above three groups and family decisions seem to revolve more around the benefits to children than to adults.  As children grow into adults, their parents seem to become equals.

I am by no means making a judgment statement on any of the four cultures above.  I expect that they each have their beneficial outworking and their downfalls.  Of course, in the midst of all this, regardless of which culture, there will be parenting styles well outside my observations.Regardless of our society’s cultural norms, we should strive to work out the principles taught in scripture.“Children, be obedient to your parents in all things, for this is well-pleasing to the Lord.  Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.” Colossians 3:20Parenting is by no means an easy job.  It should never be taken lightly and is a life-time responsibility.  I have great (adult) children so it is a responsibility that I enjoy ... most of the time.